my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
