Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My liver just had a heart attack.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
