coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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