he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My vagina just clenched in fear
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
