fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
