I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
