I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
