i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she smelled like a LAN party
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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