how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
