The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
