I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
