I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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