Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
