i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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