Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
