Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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