If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
