I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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