So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry about my life...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
