The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
