Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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