Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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