i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
