I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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