Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
