ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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