i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
