we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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