dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
