I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize