oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
