GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
