I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
