how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize