We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
