grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
