I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry about my life...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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