oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
