I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
