I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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