he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's get the cat blown out
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
