Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
