do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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