He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
