Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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