nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
