i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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