dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize