This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
