i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
