strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
