I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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