If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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