Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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