i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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