Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
