doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize