there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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