"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
