I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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