i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
