Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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