I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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