sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
