I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
