But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
