I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
