there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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