Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the condom got lost in my hair
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
