Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
