did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
