y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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