And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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