When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
