Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
