It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
