i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
