D3 body, D1 cock
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
