He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
