There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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