Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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