just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She said her name was "party"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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