I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
