my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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